Sunday, August 14, 2011

Goth Challenge Day 3

Day 3 – When did you come out the Goth closet?

Back in my baby bat days, I wasn't shy about my goth tendencies. I wasn't really closeted at all. Then, like I mentioned in yesterday's post, I got involved with a very controlling person. He didn't like my gothiness, and wanted a Stepford sorority girl type. And stupidly, I tried to become someone I wasn't just for him. So, I went into the broom closet in about 1993.

I did have brief forays out of the closet between 1993 and 2002, but they were fleeting.

Late in 2001, I knew the relationship was done, and I started doing more of what I wanted and being more true to myself. At first, it was extremely hard. I had spent the last almost 10 years denying my true self and cowering from an abusive asshole. I knew my defiance and opening the closet door would meet retribution, and it did. But at that point, I just didn't care any more. I had gone numb and only cared about doing what would make me happy. (I know some readers are asking "Why the fuck didn't you just leave?" I promise I will explore that in greater depth at some other point. Suffice it to say for this post, that at this point, I wanted desperately to leave, but was trapped by finances and a lease. It was a long and nasty process to break that lease. But I did get out.)

When I started dating again in 2002, I was fully committed to being true to myself. Attitude and general taste-wise, I was fully out of the closet. But at this point, I had almost no goth gear - not even more than a few black items at all. And I was still a bit shell-shocked and working hard to break old, bad habits, therefore was afraid to do anything with my very long, blonde hair.

Fortunately, I met someone who was kind and understanding and had no problem with my dark side taking over.

Shortly after we got married, I chopped off my hair and dyed it red. And I began decorating our apartment with creepy items. I would say that time - spring of 2003 - was when I was fully out of the closet again.

Me, freshly out of the goth closet

Me and Matty around our 1st anniversary - and I am fully myself


  1. I can't picture you with hair that long (well, I can now!) It was gorgeous!

  2. BTW - it's Michele - for some reason Google wants to use some old blog that I had 100 years ago

  3. I remember when you had the long blond hair. It was pretty, but it wasn't you!

  4. Thanks Michele!

    You're so right, Essam, it really wasn't me at all.